The Sweeper that Sucks

Posted Jun 18, 2003
Last Updated Dec 7, 2014

Notice: There is a little belligerence and moderately foul language in this recording. The two voices are that of me and a Kirby salesman trying to sell us an expensive sweeper; you will notice that my speech is a little scatterbrained... which may have resulted from some alcohol that night.

We’re upstairs and one of the kids says someone is at the door. Jenn goes down and I follow a minute later. Jenn, the sweet, kind, helping person she is tries to defend our guest from me and she quickly takes control of my immediate skepticism and says, "He’s going to do a demonstration for us—ah, ah… don’t say anything… it’s for his tuition.”

I tried to get a protest out but she hushed me immediately with that stare. So I stepped outside to catch lightning bugs with the kids while this dude unloads a Kirby sweeper into my house at 9pm in the evening.

Half an hour rolled by and the kids had caught as many lightning bugs as this guy had made in dollar bills. Every time I walked by the front door Jenn looked at me with a sense of panic—Oh my God, said her look, get this guy out of here! I played with the kids more.

Well eventually I had to put the kids to bed. While I was in the process of rounding them up I got the brilliant idea of planting a tape recorder in the living room to catch this pitch on tape. I planted it and let them chat a while more before finally Jenn’s look said to me, If you don’t get this dude out of my house soon or come down here and endure this with me, you ain’t getting any for the rest of your life!

Well at that point I had to oblige. I walked down and without any foreplay said, "Just curious how long this presentation’s supposed to last.”

"As much time as you guys have,” said the young salesman whom I later learned was named Nate.

Well I guess that he shouldn’t have offered so much of his time because I really don’t like people knocking on my door to sell me sweepers… so listen to the funniest sales pitch for a sweeper you’ll ever hear.

I have to admit that some of my "on-the-fly math" was shaky and I was a jerk (grammar and courtesy were out the door since I had drank a couple beers that night)... but you'll enjoy the conversation.

Good Times or Better Stories

Random stories about some funny events in my life. Some became funny after the fact.

  1. My Wife Likes it Hot
  2. A Trip Down Hoopty Lane
  3. The Sweeper that Sucks

Comment

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Ms. Doe

Apr 19, 2013

We bought a Kirby from a door to door salesman. At the time I needed a new sweeper. Paid $900.00 and the guy showed us everything it could do, for about four to five hours. Sounded great. However, to use the hose is a major operation. Talk about a major operation, the carpet cleaner is unbelievable to attach. I thought of selling this thing at a garage sale, but I hate to pawn this thing off on anyone else. I probably will just give it away and let the person know about it. I finally went out and bought a carpet cleaner that you do not have to put together each time you want to use it.

jack carter

Sep 25, 2009

i just had two men show me a kirby they took the covers off of the bed, removed covers on sofa just left it like this and all the round black filters that they used witch i had to pick up!!!!!!!!!! than i had to go away they sat on my deck for 30 minuts waiting on the other 2 men that dropped them off by the way he told me if i wanted to buy the sweeper i could just give him $770.00 cash today but don't tell anyone i am some dumb but not that dumb!!!!!!!!! with people like this selling your sweeper i can't believe they sell anything PS they also smoked 5 of my cigarettes and ask for a can of pop nice guys

Tracey Pullum

Jul 19, 2009

I was told I would receive a room of FREE carpet cleaning and instead got the sales pitch that went on & on & on for nearly 4 hours. Three times within the first hour I stopped the salesperson to inform him that I was UNEMPLOYED and could not afford anything at this time. I was asked how much severance I received and how much my unemployment checks were. Also, did I have an IRA account that I could "tap" into. At this point not only did I want to throw him & his sweeper out of my house, but I wanted to make sure that I get the word out to whoever I could that these people are NUTS! I did get a room of carpet shampooed - for FREE - but it took all day to do it. I ended up with a violent headache. Beware of anything associated with Kirby!

chris p

Sep 1, 2009

I had a friend who did Kirby sweeper sales and he went door-to-door demonstrating the sweeper. It also does shampooing? I think it is an awesome machine, never seen anything like it. Not even the Rainbow's shampooer has a beater brushy are.



Traci is right though, they are crazyz . Anyone who can waltz into a strangers home is flippy, but I met a few of his co-workers and they all seem pretty harmless. They do like to put one of those sweepers into your home and will try very hard to do so.



The price tag on it kinda hit me hard, "sticker shock" was actually "price fried" for me! The payment plan option is very affordable tho. I love my machine very, very much.



The complaint you guys have about so much time spent is fairly wierd. My mate showed me how he did his presentation and it took 20mins. You guys must have been gettin some rookies. lol

Debbie Sherard

May 2, 2009

We had a guy come to the door a few months ago said he was with a carpet cleaning company and he'd be back in about 15 minutes to clean the carpets free just to get the word out and all he wanted in return was for us to tell all our friends . I thought wow great deal I need my carpets cleaned . 15 minutes later a woman came in with a huge box . I said omg your just a sweeper sales person . She said no I'm just here to clean your carpets . She starts talking for about a hour then starts cleaning as soon as she took the sweeper out I knew it was just a sales pitch . She was here for like 6 hours . we kept telling her no way could we aford this Kerby sweeper yes it did a awesome job and I loved it but I only work seasonal she said thats great you could pay more in the winter and the min in the summer . She called her boss and ask if he could get the price down . Then the boss comes to the door says so you really loved the Kerby huh . I said yes but I can't aford it right now . Well he gets on the phone to call his boss and starts making deals . They took it down to like 600.00 and payments of 39.00 I thought wow thats a deal but was still thinking . He says I'll throw in a years supply of bags and belts and a couple shampoos too . I said ok bought the Kerby and two days later my belt breaks so I use the spare they gave me . I never got the bags , shampoo or the belts . I am now reuseing the bag , without a belt and no shampoo . I have called the company and emailed them . Two weeks after I get a message saying they would contact the dealer and I would get what he said I'd get . It's been I think about 6 months and still nothing also when I got my payment book at the payoff I would have paid over 1600 for the sweeper . They will lie through they're teeth to make a sale . If I ever see another Kerby dealer in my area I will sick my dogs on them .

john doe

Mar 12, 2009

Well what i would like to say about this terrible kirby sales man is i dont believe he knows what he is talking about. for one i am a sales man and i sell filter queen majestic sweeper and i go door to door the one thing he may be right about is the fact gets paid to just do the presentation and so do i. i get 20 dollars per presentation. but the fact is if i dont sell anything for a long time they will fire me but i dont have that problem. and i do make around $75,000 a year. and our sweeper cost around $2,100... And we sell millions of them a year. He messed up on his part because he is picking the wrong houses to knock, like you said you cant afford it and your happy with what you got.. now what i do want to say about those crappy kirbys are one they weigh a ton the warranty sucks. and two they really dont do the job that they tell they do.. And the one thing that this shawn person is wrong about is you cant find neither of these systems in the store unless you go to a kirby or filterqueen store. i went out today door to door with my filter queen. and i sold 4 today and i made just about $800 dollors today and also two of the people i sold to had the kirby and i bought the kirby off of them for a specific amount and gave them one of mine.. The reason they mark them so high is because they do pay there sales people just to do presentations and if they dont sell anything they loose money.. now if you want to invest in a new system dont get a kirby or a rainbow or a dyson. Check on the healthmor web site and see what i mean www.healthmor.com

WHITNEY LAVINDER

Feb 16, 2009

I THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS!! WISH MY HSBAND CAME TO MY RESUCE LIKE THIS! HE WAS AT MY HOUSE FOR 2-1/2 HRS!! I FINALLY HAD TO TELL HIM I WILL TALK TO MY HUSBAND WHEN HE GETS HOME SO THEY WOULD LEAVE! THEY ENDED UP LEAVING THE DAMN SWEEPER HERE FOR ME TO US AND SHOW TO HIM! WHEN THEY CAME BACK TO PICK IT UP I REFUSED TO WASTE ANY MORE OF MY TIME! I HAD MY HUSBAND TELL HIM IT'S NOT AN OPTION...THEY STILL WOULDN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. THEY OFFERED THIS SWEEPER FOR $2,700 THEN ENDED UP COMING DOWN TO $1,500 USING THE "FRIEND AND FAMILY DISCOUNT"! RIDICULOUS! REALLY ENJOYED THIS AUDIO!! HAHA...

Denise Howdershelt

Jul 10, 2008

I know how you feel. We had a pushy guy come to the house pedaling Kirby sweepers. My husband insisted that he do his demo because he loves Kirby sweepers. Needless to say there is a crappy Kirby sitting in my computer room that is broken. Kirby sweepers are the biggest pain in the butt sweepers I have ever used. Honestly we ended up going to Wal-mart and buying a second sweeper because the Kirby didn't clean they way it did with the demo filter disks they use. If there were anyway to get what we owe out of it I swear I would by a Rainbow sweeper instead.

rich guys

Sep 16, 2008

I listended to your recording and i cant believe you. Obviously this guy was new and nervous and you tried to make him feel inferior to you. i own a kirby its my thrid one. I know that nothing comes close to cleaning the way it does. Oh, and for your info they also shampoo carpets, furniture, clean hard surface floors, fans, dust, and can be used as a spray painter, leaf blower, and also have an air compressor. before anyone comments back with smart remarks, i have used all that stuff and it all works very well.

Lisa Steel

Jan 11, 2008

We had a Kirby sweeper salesman in our house last night. This is our 2nd time around with this type of salesman. They got into our house by a man coming ahead of them who led us to believe he was working for a carpet cleaning co. and would clean one room of carpet completely free, all he asked was if we where happy we spread the word. We thought why not, we where going to have our carpet cleaned soon anyway. He told us to move all our furniture they'd be back in 15 min. later to clean the room. Well guess what, when they arrived, it was a Kirby sweeper man. Right off the bat, I said I'm not buying your sweeper, that didn't get him to go, then, when he was asked to see our sweeper, guess what, I drag out my Kirby, which by the way I bought at a garage sale for $35.00. He was kinda taken back, then he tells us it's about 13 years old and the new ones are so much better, we should replace the one we had. I responded to this if someone pays 1700.00 for a sweeper, don't you think it should last longer then 13 years? This quy was in our house for over 2 hours, knowing we already owned a Kirby trying to convince us we needed a new one, I kept telling him, I'm not buying your sweeper, yet he just kept going. The fact that these people lied to get into my house, wouldn't take no for an answer makes me furious. We did not manage to get these people out of our house until almost 9 at night, both of us work, I had a house that needed cleaned up, 2 kids who needed our attention and still he just wouldn't leave. I don't really care why this guy was working for Kirby, I owned a Kirby already knew the product, basically begged him to leave, yet he wouldn't. I have a no soliciting sign on my door, and still i was harassed, annoyed, had my evening ruined all for something from the very start I informed him I wouldn't buy. And to top it off, after moving a complete room of furniture I never got my carpets cleaned. So after an exhausting evening of listening to this annoying sales pitch we had to put a room back together!

haywood jablowme

Nov 8, 2007

I listened to this audio of the kirby demo. I am a kirby salesman and kirby has a scholarship program where he needs to just show the kirby 3 times daily to earn credit for the program. yes the sales are needed to make money of course. You need both for the scholarship, so all in all the kid was right. He also sounded like a very new dealer I would like to see you with pro, you would have purchased one if only you would have listened in how the kirby would save you money. But it just goes to show that you can't sell every pig a bar of soap! Nate is more of a man than you will ever be. People who sold kirby's. Johnny Carson, ED McMan, Vince Lambardy do I need to continue, all were on the scholarship program! Jerk!

Whitney

Mar 31, 2009

lol. I get a kick out of the Kirby Dealer who says he's the pro and goes on about the scholarship program. Apparently his scholarship didn't result in improving his grammer! The next time a Kirby Dealer lies and pushes his way into your home, call the police. These high pressure sales tactics give Kirby a BAD reputation.

Comment ignored.

Stacy Reinhart

Jul 1, 2007

Just so you know, the young man was just trying to do his job. You should be a mature enough adult to say hey look we arent interested and its late instead of trying to give him a hard time. There are a lot of young people that have no ambition whatsoever and no work ethic. People that work in Kirby work very hard. Not all salespeople are evil.

cory hanna

Aug 14, 2007

I have a kirby salesman here right now. Thanks for the heads up on the length of demistration. He is already high pressuring us and telling us that our house is dirty. But on the flip side if he wants to vaccum my carpet and use their new carpet cleaning product I'm all for it

Nancy Naylor

Jan 25, 2008

Hurray for you!! I wish I had said the same thing last night. For those trying to defend the poor sales man these people are manipulative liars that don’t give a rat’s ass about your time or your finances.

We’ve listened to time share salesmen, gutter guard, water softeners, sun room additions, and more and these people reach a new low that I have never seen in anywhere. At least other sales people actually make an appointment with you so you have some idea of what to expect. We ended up going to bed after 2:30 am because it took so much of our evening and they snuck out of the house with our “free gift” so in our case they also steal. There is nothing ethical or admirable to what they do.

For the person who thought this gentleman should have said he was not interested and it is late. We tried that last night. It doesn’t work!! We had our 2 year old up at 11 pm and I was begging them to let me go so I could sleep. Just try politely refusing a Kirby salesperson and I think you’ll understand this gentleman very well! Some salespeople really are evil.

Teresa Dunlap

Nov 14, 2009

NO WAY. Do not confuse ambition for rudeness, inconsiderate people that barge into a private home by lying. You do not tell a Kirby salesman that you are not interested cause they have earplugs stuck up their ears. What they deserve is a shoe stuck up their butt because they will not leave your house. I have had it happen to me and I know a friend who missed her friend's baby's funeral because the salesman would not leave. If a salesman is concerned about work ethic better sell something else. YES, all Kirby salespeople are evil...it is the only way Kirby operates.

melissa jamhour

Jun 20, 2007

I JUST WENT THROUGH THE SAME CRAP WITH THE KIRBY PEOPL AND THEY WERE IN MY HOUSE FOR 6 HOURS TRYING TO SELL AND WE KEPT SAYING NO AND THEY JUST TOLD US OUR HOUSE WAS DIRT AND THEY COULDNT BELIVE WE WOULD KEEP OUR OLD DIRTY SWEEPER AND THAT THEY CANT BELIVE THEY WASTED SOO MUCH TIME ON OS IF WE WERNT GOING TO BUY THE SWEEPER I WANT TO MAKE A COMPLANT ON THE THEY WASTED OUR WHOLE DAY !!!!!

Sara Zabonik

May 5, 2006

I totaly agree, we paid $1600 for the kirby. It doesn't even clean the carpets like they said. It is way too heavy. Trying to buy sweeper bags are really hard as well.
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